So, went in town with mum today to get some school things for the exams tomorrow (fun times, I know), and guess who walks straight past me. My Ex-boyfriend, Dan. I know right, major cringe moment. Uh, and I looked terrible, my hair was up, I was wearing some weird knitted hoodie thing. Because I didn't think I'd see anyone important in town today, well he's not important but I had liked him for a very long time and I dunno I guess when I saw him my instant reaction was to be happy. But when I saw him, man did I blush. My insides went mental, I thought I was going to throw up. He didn't see me though, we were so close when we walked past each other. I felt like grabbing him, but I was able to control myself. And now, he's on web cam and he bought skinny jeans... I kept telling myself, "haha, he's gonna look so gay in them" but he really doesn't. He looks. SO. HOT. It's actually unreal. I hate it. But I love it. I know I REALLY shouldn't. I told myself, "I have a perfectly hot boyfriend and I don't want Dan" Also we text each other flirty messages, it's so distracting. But I love it. We were so good together and I had never felt anything so amazing than when I was with him. I was crazy in love with him for months. And then I told myself to get over it. Move on with my life. And I am, gradually. I mean its kinda obvious he's over me, as he has a new girlfriend. He has no idea that I'm still trying to get over him of course. I told him I was completely and utterly over him. Basically a total lie. But today just took me by surprise. When I saw him I just stopped... Everything stopped... I know this sounds incredibly cheesy but its true. And I'm the sort of person that hates cheesy lines and moments, but this was real. My mind was racing, I couldn't think, couldn't speak.
AGH! He looks so hot on web cam. Sounds a bit stalker like doesn't it. I honestly do love my boyfriend, but I can't help it if there's still a little spark there between me and Dan. We were on and off for a while. I mean, yeah most of the time it was in secret, but it still felt like we were meant to be together. The annoying thing is as well, is that he is in my tutor. So I can't help but glance at him from time to time, sometimes he looks back... I don't know how he feels and I'm not going to ask because I don't want to start anything up again. It's too painful to breakup with him and when he breaks it off it feels like I've just died. This way is for the best. I'll get over him eventually, it's just going to take me more time than I had hoped.
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