Had a Geography exam, and you know how you look at people who haven't finished yet? I looked at Dan and now he keeps asking me about it. I mean, is it illegal to look at someone? "/ I haven't really been feeling angry lately. Just annoyed. Oh found out the other day that Frances is moving to Surrey.... on my birthday. I found out from msn/facebook. She had told Grant way before I found out. Her excuse: I didn't know how to tell you. yeah okay, well grant is basically her new best friend. Ah, I just cant be bothered any more. Are friends just made to let you down? nearly every one of mine have, I can't trust many people any more. What am I meant to do at Reading College? Stand there, smile and hope someone notices? I'm terrible at making new friends, I get too shy then end up making friends with the wrong people. Don't even know what it's going to be like, hopefully a lot better than Highdown? Sometimes I wish I could re-do Highdown, and not make as many mistakes.
I know sometimes I don't think me and Dan was a mistake, but sometimes I really do think it was. Before we ever went out, he said I don't want us to not be friends if we break up. He was right, we aren't friends. He doesn't even want people to know that we've walked together? Or even talk? Does he not understand how that makes me feel? I'll be honest, it makes me feel like a piece of dirt on someone's shoe, not wanted and disgusting... "/ but he doesn't realise that... His life is brilliant, he has everything... Great friends, great family, he's smart, talented, good looking and has a brilliant relationship with his girlfriend. He's too preoccupied to care, not that I blame him. His friends don't like me so why should he? Kinda makes me miss him more...
So, Laszlo has moved, Jacob has moved, Grant's moving and now so is Frances. Yay, my friends are leaving me... I'd never ask them to stay obviously, but it's gonna be hard to say goodbye. I don't even know what's going to happen. I'm not gonna see anyone from Highdown again apart from Chris, then if we break up, no-one. fun times. god, this is gonna be hard... to say goodbye, to leave Highdown School and Sixth Form Centre.... hmmm... No doubt I'm gonna miss the place, but I'm glad to be leaving.
I'm so bored, I have nothing to do apart from write this, and I'm running out of things to write... I honestly don't have anything else to talk about. Til next time!
Friday, 17 June 2011
Friday, 10 June 2011
10th June 2011
Today was okay, smoked a few, still got the packet lol. Might be seeing Jake today... dunno though. Haven't seen Chis at all today, he's getting smashed tonight so, that's going to be fun to be on the phone with. Spoke to Frances about all kinds of shit today, brang up Dan, Joe, Chris, Jake, Clinton, Oen.... just so much to talk about. Just sort of brang up all the memories of well... everything tbh.
Made me think about my relationship with Dan, now that was a tough one to keep up with. I do remember it as being a really great relationship with, no doubt, its ups and downs but we had a good run I think. I started to think about the time we went to Bugs Bottom and layed there, talking, joking around, kissing.... we weren't like going out, we were just together. It was probably the best day we ever had together, there was no hassle of being in a relationship and no friends got involved. It was just so brilliant. Makes me wonder why we couldn't have that while being together though... its very odd "/
Wow... Joe... Now that was odd. We went out 12 times over four years. Every time, it just wouldn't work but we kept going out, it was so weird... I mean, don't get me wrong, I did REALLY like him n all, but just everytime something spoiled it. And the last time was just a complete fail, he didn't feel the same way and I really wanted to make it work that time. But no, I messed it up again. Stupid effing Karney *angry face*
Anyway.... Chris.... Well, as i've said before, he's my boyfriend, i love him very much, but sometimes i just don't feel that I know him, its so strange. It's like one minute I'm really happy with him, we're talking and kissing and stuff. Then it goes quiet and I look at him and think.... who are you? It really freaks me out tbh. I dunno... It's not like I don't like him, I just don't feel I know him very well, we've known each other the amount of time we've been going out, isn't that a bit weird?
Jake.. oh gosh.... Jake.... Well I dunno what to say about him that I haven't already said. He drives me insane sometimes, I broke up with Chris like a month ago, (we got back together obv), and I told Jake that I wanted us to get back together... He said no? He said he didn't want to be my rebound. Surely if you've broken up with I dunno, bob and then you go out with bill and then you break up with bill to go back out with bob, bob isn't the rebound???? Oh I dunno, keeps saying he misses me, loves me. H esaid today that he thought we weren't as close I was like whaaaatttt?!?!?! Oh he drives me up the wall :L but I love him lol not like that obv.... well... i dunno... not as much... i guess... ARGH i dont know D: hmmm.... calm down amber...
Oen was nothing to me and nor was Clinton, Frances was talking about them.... mostly Clinton though. Kept asking me about how to get him back, I was like how am I meant to know!?!??
Boys actually drive me up the wall sometimes. They really know how to confuse you don't they?
Well after Highdown I probably won't ever see or talk to half these people anyway, kinda sad tbh. To leave the place where memories were born, friendships created and relationships loved and lost. It's bloody awful to think about it tbh. I don't want to leave Highdown, but I have to. I can't stay there anymore. I jsut, can't. Too many memories, too many rumours, too many people I know. I just can't stand seeing all their faces. "/
God... I've had a headache for the past 5 days, fucking kills man. Haven't gone to school for the past two days. Didn't really need to tbh, but thats not the point lol.
oh gosh, the other day almost killed me. Was hanging around with jack collins, chris pearson, oskar and sarah.... that day was awful. Jack told me he was in love with me and has been since before me and JAKE went out, almost 8 months ago!! He asked if there was ever a chance for us I said no.... Felt so bad, I bloody cried ): well, tis all i have to say for now lol, see ya!
Made me think about my relationship with Dan, now that was a tough one to keep up with. I do remember it as being a really great relationship with, no doubt, its ups and downs but we had a good run I think. I started to think about the time we went to Bugs Bottom and layed there, talking, joking around, kissing.... we weren't like going out, we were just together. It was probably the best day we ever had together, there was no hassle of being in a relationship and no friends got involved. It was just so brilliant. Makes me wonder why we couldn't have that while being together though... its very odd "/
Wow... Joe... Now that was odd. We went out 12 times over four years. Every time, it just wouldn't work but we kept going out, it was so weird... I mean, don't get me wrong, I did REALLY like him n all, but just everytime something spoiled it. And the last time was just a complete fail, he didn't feel the same way and I really wanted to make it work that time. But no, I messed it up again. Stupid effing Karney *angry face*
Anyway.... Chris.... Well, as i've said before, he's my boyfriend, i love him very much, but sometimes i just don't feel that I know him, its so strange. It's like one minute I'm really happy with him, we're talking and kissing and stuff. Then it goes quiet and I look at him and think.... who are you? It really freaks me out tbh. I dunno... It's not like I don't like him, I just don't feel I know him very well, we've known each other the amount of time we've been going out, isn't that a bit weird?
Jake.. oh gosh.... Jake.... Well I dunno what to say about him that I haven't already said. He drives me insane sometimes, I broke up with Chris like a month ago, (we got back together obv), and I told Jake that I wanted us to get back together... He said no? He said he didn't want to be my rebound. Surely if you've broken up with I dunno, bob and then you go out with bill and then you break up with bill to go back out with bob, bob isn't the rebound???? Oh I dunno, keeps saying he misses me, loves me. H esaid today that he thought we weren't as close I was like whaaaatttt?!?!?! Oh he drives me up the wall :L but I love him lol not like that obv.... well... i dunno... not as much... i guess... ARGH i dont know D: hmmm.... calm down amber...
Oen was nothing to me and nor was Clinton, Frances was talking about them.... mostly Clinton though. Kept asking me about how to get him back, I was like how am I meant to know!?!??
Boys actually drive me up the wall sometimes. They really know how to confuse you don't they?
Well after Highdown I probably won't ever see or talk to half these people anyway, kinda sad tbh. To leave the place where memories were born, friendships created and relationships loved and lost. It's bloody awful to think about it tbh. I don't want to leave Highdown, but I have to. I can't stay there anymore. I jsut, can't. Too many memories, too many rumours, too many people I know. I just can't stand seeing all their faces. "/
God... I've had a headache for the past 5 days, fucking kills man. Haven't gone to school for the past two days. Didn't really need to tbh, but thats not the point lol.
oh gosh, the other day almost killed me. Was hanging around with jack collins, chris pearson, oskar and sarah.... that day was awful. Jack told me he was in love with me and has been since before me and JAKE went out, almost 8 months ago!! He asked if there was ever a chance for us I said no.... Felt so bad, I bloody cried ): well, tis all i have to say for now lol, see ya!
Monday, 6 June 2011
6th June 2011
Wow... haven't written in this for a while. Well life isn't so bad at the moment, I smoke... yay, Jake's still in love with me and i miss him like hell, I have a new boyfriend called Chris who also smokes (you can see why I do it). He's great but sometimes I just feel that I don't know him, is that bad? Thinking that your boyfriend is a complete stranger? I don't know. Well, sitting my GCSEs too, kinda sucks. I know I should be revising but its hard to concentrate. Guy called Jack Collins keeps calling me fat... makes me feel so good about myself. Dan? Oh, well, he's out of the picture, said he didn't want to start talking again because he's worried he'd "fall in love with me again" he never did. If he did he wouldn't have broken up with me for other people would he? I'm not complaining, I mean after Highdown it's not like I'm ever gonna see him again is it? He wanted me to stay lol... bless. Nah, I can't stand being at that school anymore, drives me up the wall.
Last week I didn't see Chris for four days, then I saw him for a day and a half then he buggers off for another 3 days. Is it bad that I miss him? Cried last night because I missed him? :/ I hardly ever cry nowadays... is that bad? before last night, the last time I cried I had a panic attack, i couldn't breathe because my tonsils had swollen up like a bitch and blocked my throat.. bloody things, I really need to get them sorted out. Haha... That night Jake got scared, thought I was going to die? I was like, no? wouldn't have died from that, would i? meh, who cares anyway, the only people that'd miss me is Jake and Chris maybe Frances if I'm lucky. I'm not all like "ugghhh my life's shit" it just wouldn't really bother me if I died. I've got nothing going for me, hopefully going to Reading college, that's going to be... interesting. Having to make new friends again, but the best thing of all...? Ruby Stear is going. yay. my life is fucking complete now aint it?! god, she really does piss me off. Just because I've dyed my hair red she goes all psycho like, WHY DID SHE DYE HER HAIR RED, I WAS GOING TO FOR PROM. seriously like i give a fuck? and even if i did, how would i have known? i dont talk to her? i dont talk to any of her friends?!
Prom soon.... yay, dont have a date lol, the guy i asked said no, so i didnt bother after that. was well gutted though, thought he'd say yes. but he thought it all serious and said i dont want to ruin our friendship. now we dont even have a friendship. he doesnt talk to me. half of the people i used to talk to, dont even like me anymore :L why should i bother wasting my time? I'll just go with mates or something. Max (Grant's mate) invited me and frances to his parent's wedding, thats gonna be fun. apparently i'm his date and there's an open bar. Grant keeps going on about how he's gonna get plastered and im like yay... more of a reason to fuck myself over. Reminds me... Grants moving soon... he's happy about it. said that we could visit. seriously, imma go to college with no friends lol, mollett is going to guildford (ACM) woop woop for her. she's hardly happy anymore, all talking about clinton and what she can do to get him back, and im sat on the fence as im friends with both of em. how interesting my life is...
anyway, long story short, my day has been okay, my life has been okay from the last time i wrote an entry and im feeling okay. see ya!
Last week I didn't see Chris for four days, then I saw him for a day and a half then he buggers off for another 3 days. Is it bad that I miss him? Cried last night because I missed him? :/ I hardly ever cry nowadays... is that bad? before last night, the last time I cried I had a panic attack, i couldn't breathe because my tonsils had swollen up like a bitch and blocked my throat.. bloody things, I really need to get them sorted out. Haha... That night Jake got scared, thought I was going to die? I was like, no? wouldn't have died from that, would i? meh, who cares anyway, the only people that'd miss me is Jake and Chris maybe Frances if I'm lucky. I'm not all like "ugghhh my life's shit" it just wouldn't really bother me if I died. I've got nothing going for me, hopefully going to Reading college, that's going to be... interesting. Having to make new friends again, but the best thing of all...? Ruby Stear is going. yay. my life is fucking complete now aint it?! god, she really does piss me off. Just because I've dyed my hair red she goes all psycho like, WHY DID SHE DYE HER HAIR RED, I WAS GOING TO FOR PROM. seriously like i give a fuck? and even if i did, how would i have known? i dont talk to her? i dont talk to any of her friends?!
Prom soon.... yay, dont have a date lol, the guy i asked said no, so i didnt bother after that. was well gutted though, thought he'd say yes. but he thought it all serious and said i dont want to ruin our friendship. now we dont even have a friendship. he doesnt talk to me. half of the people i used to talk to, dont even like me anymore :L why should i bother wasting my time? I'll just go with mates or something. Max (Grant's mate) invited me and frances to his parent's wedding, thats gonna be fun. apparently i'm his date and there's an open bar. Grant keeps going on about how he's gonna get plastered and im like yay... more of a reason to fuck myself over. Reminds me... Grants moving soon... he's happy about it. said that we could visit. seriously, imma go to college with no friends lol, mollett is going to guildford (ACM) woop woop for her. she's hardly happy anymore, all talking about clinton and what she can do to get him back, and im sat on the fence as im friends with both of em. how interesting my life is...
anyway, long story short, my day has been okay, my life has been okay from the last time i wrote an entry and im feeling okay. see ya!
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